Deep Listening

Oh my.  My journey seems to be ramping up.  I just completed a women’s deep listening retreat in the rural foothills of Virginia with a community of women seekers from all over the country.  Our two wonderful guides were instructors from the Georgetown community.  Here is a poem from one of the lovely ladies which she wrote during a deep listening exercise.  It made everyone shed a tear, and I just have to share it with this broader community of men and women in the SWOG world.  It is so relevant in this season of Spring and time of rebirth.

 

A Season of Fierce Blooming

All beautiful women here

Loving souls, brave souls,

Steel Magnolias

We share a proud strength

As we stretch into vulnerability

Like a flower opening to the Sun

Wild flowers, passionate roses,

Sacred lilies, vibrant daffodils

And many more

The variety is sumptuous

The colors breathtaking

Across the World we go about our blooming

Yet ALL connected are we

By the same fertile ground

That feeds our souls

And encourages our unfolding

Oh, Divine Garden

HERE I AM!

(Mary Carr 4/24/17)

 

 

Thank you dear SWOG’s for your grace and kindness.

 

 


So, I’m sorting through “life” right now–yeah, I know–I’m always sorting through life.  But, I’m trying to figure out where next career and job-wise.  Some opportunities are presenting themselves which is exciting, AND it makes it difficult for someone like me to know which way I should turn.

Late last night I opened a bottle of “Honest Tea” to take a few sips before I headed off to bed.  You’ve heard me talk before about Honest Tea and the quotes they have inside their bottle caps.  So, the bottle cap is lying quote side up on my kitchen counter top, and I was bending over my counter deep in thought.  I wasn’t focused on anything; I was just zoned out thinking about some of the options I need to sort through.  Quite frankly I was feeling tired and overwhelmed.

Suddenly my focus zoomed in on the cap and I moved closer to read the quote.  Here it is:

 

The ones among you who will be really happy are those who have sought and found how to serve.    ~Albert Schweitzer

 

Hmmmm.  I think that was timely on the universe’s part, and I still believe there is no such thing as a coincidence!


From a fellow SWOG:

Let It Go from Danna Faulds

Let go of the ways you thought life would unfold:

the holding of plans or dreams or expectations – Let it all go.

Save your strength to swim with the tide.

The choice to fight what is here before you now will

only result in struggle, fear, and desperate attempts

to flee from the very energy you long for. Let go.

Let it all go and flow with the grace that washes

through your days whether you received it gently

or with all your quills raised to defend against invaders.

Take this on faith; the mind may never find the

explanations that it seeks, but you will move forward

nonetheless. Let go, and the wave’s crest will carry

you to unknown shores, beyond your wildest dreams

or destinations. Let it all go and find the place of

rest and peace, and certain transformation

Trust and surrender dear SWOGs.  Trust and surrender.


Here’s one to think about:

THE APPOINTMENT

What if, on the first sunny day,
On your way to work, a colorful bird
Sweeps in front of you down a
Street you’ve never heard of.
You might pause and smile,
A sweet beginning to your day.
Or you might step into that street
And realize there are many ways to work.
You might sense the bird knows something
You don’t and wander after.
You might hesitate when the bird
Turns down an alley.  For now
There is a tension:  Is what the
Bird knows worth being late?
You might go another block or two,
Thinking you can have it both ways.
But soon you arrive at the edge
Of all your plans.
The bird circles back for you
And you must decide which
Appointment you were
Born to keep.

 

~Mark Nepo


Wow.  I just came home from a celebration of life service honoring a 42-year old man who lost a very short battle to cancer.  He was the son of one of my former bosses, and I had met him only once– so I was mostly there in support of his parents.

After this 2-hour celebration filled with stories, laughter, tears and all emotions that go along with those, I feel like I know him better and more importantly heard the valuable lessons of how he lived.

Zach resided in multiple places in the United States over his relatively short life.  He grew up in Pennsylvania but spent considerable time in New York City, Philadelphia, Colorado and finally California.  He majored in an engineering discipline in college but he ended up studying the ways of Native Americans in the west.  I remember his father scratching and shaking his head multiple times over the years when I would ask how his son was doing, and he usually ended with something like, “I’m not sure if he’ll ever settle down and figure out what to do.”  Of course his father–a classic baby boomer–was used to the ways of choosing a career discipline and following that discipline throughout your life until retirement.

Ah, but the stories today.  The free spirit; the kindness; the sense of humor; the “being present” for people in his life; the choosing warmth, openness and helpfulness over impatience and aggravation; the making everyone that entered a room–even his hospital room at the end of his life–feel welcomed and honored; the singing in the shower and the car; the laughter; the hikes; the honoring nature; the loving animals; the being present for children.  I’m not kidding.  Person after person (and there were quite a few who spoke) had the stories to back up the character that was Zach.

The last gentleman who spoke was a friend from Colorado.  He told us that just before he left for the airport to make the flight across the country for the service, he made a decision to change out of his dress clothes–so sure he was that Zach was laughing at him from somewhere in the spirit world.  And, instead he put on a flannel shirt, hiking pants, and substituted a duffel bag and a cooler for his suitcase.  He spoke of Zach the way everyone else had but somehow he captured the spirit of Zach in this last quote–from Tecumseh, a Shawnee leader from the 18th and 19th centuries:

Live your life that the fear of death can never enter your heart.  Trouble no one about his religion.  Respect others in their views and demand that they respect yours.  Love your life, perfect your life, beautify all things in your life.  Seek to make your life long and of service to your people.  Prepare a noble death song for the day when you go over the great divide.  Always give a word or sign of salute when meeting or passing a friend, or even a stranger, if in a lonely place.  Show respect to all people, but grovel to none.  When you rise in the morning, give thanks for the light, for your life, for your strength.  Give thanks for your food and for the joy of living.  If you see no reason to give thanks, the fault lies in yourself.  Touch not the poisonous firewater that makes wise ones turn to fools and robs their spirit of its vision.  When your turn comes to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled with fear of death, so that when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way.  Sing your death song, and die like a hero going home.

Zach was an accomplished photographer and he had his own blog where he clearly demonstrated his talent and love for nature.  You can access his blog here:  https://feralzach.com/tag/zachary-e-dautrich/

Many of you know I’ve been aware of red tail hawks flying close above me on numerous occasions in the last year.  Well, Zach loved red tail hawks and has numerous gorgeous shots of them on his blog.  On the way out of the service today, we were handed a post card with one of Zach’s red tail hawk photos on one side and the Tecumseh quote on the other.  Wow.  There are messages here for me to learn.

Finally, I will send a note to Zach’s parents to thank them for the service and for Zach.  I think his father, in particular, now has his answer about Zach’s calling.  It wasn’t so much about what Zach was “doing” that mattered…it was what he was “being” that brought so much joy, respect, laughter and peace to so many people who filled that room today.

Rest well dear SMOG.

 

 

 


I have been struggling for a long time with what I perceive as the polarization of America.  It hurts to see us so dug into our convictions and so unwilling to listen to others’ points of view.

One might argue this time period is no worse than it was in the 1960’s during the Vietnam conflict.  I know there are a handful of you who remember more than a few passing perceptions and news stories of that time.  Those who have those vivid memories will often say, in many ways, that conflict was worse.  Or how about Nixon and Watergate.  This was also a very divisive time in our nation’s history.  Go back in time even farther and you have the Civil War and the slavery issue.  Talk about divisive–when we had a whole set of states seceding from the Union.

Perhaps the difference between Civil War times and now is the accessibility of information through dozens of broadcast media sources as well as explosion of social media outlets.  In addition, I learned something else on Sunday of this week when I listened to a report on CBS Sunday Morning, so I did a bit more research and this is basically what I found:

The Fairness Doctrine was a policy of the United States Federal Communications Commission (FCC), introduced in 1949, that required the holders of broadcast licenses both to present controversial issues of public importance and to do so in a manner that was — in the Commission’s view — honest, equitable, and balanced. The FCC, which was believed to have been under pressure from then President Ronald Reagan, eliminated the Doctrine in 1987. The FCC formally removed the language that implemented the Doctrine, in August of 2011.

The Fairness Doctrine had two basic elements: It required broadcasters to devote some of their airtime to discussing controversial matters of public interest, and to air contrasting views regarding those matters. Stations were given wide latitude as to how to provide contrasting views: It could be done through news segments, public affairs shows, or editorials. The doctrine did not require equal time for opposing views but required that contrasting viewpoints be presented. The demise of this FCC rule has been considered by some to be a contributing factor for the rising level of party polarization in the United States.

Ah.  Interesting.  The year 1987 marks the birth of broadcast ideologies without a necessity to present opposing points of view.  So, now I get how the likes of Rush Limbaugh on the right and Rachel Maddow on the left can get away with saying things that seem–to those of us in the relative middle–unbelievably outrageous.  It also explains why polarization is alive and well in these times.  Naturally we all have biases based on a variety of influences in our lives, and you don’t have to go too far to find someone in either national media or social media outlets who supports our particular viewpoint.  And we all know that–as a general rule–we tend to be drawn to people like ourselves–who look like us, who sound like us, and who believe like us.  It’s harder to be in relationship with people who have divergent points of view.  It’s hard to listen to them and open our minds to the views they believe.  It’s hard.  Truly hard.

And, based on the Adult Stage Development numbers, a majority of Americans don’t open our minds to others’ perspectives (Skill Centric stage or earlier).  In the old days (my God, I sound like my mother right now!), our elders were story tellers and through their stories they imparted the wisdom and perspectives that they had learned through life.  Our elders’ wisdom often came as a result of situations they experienced where their viewpoint was not always the one, the only, and the correct way of looking at things.  And, it usually came when these elders witnessed the youth in their lives experiencing a hurtful situation where the elder could use the story to help the youth learn wonderful life wisdom.

Finally, I’m not blaming everyone else for this phenomenon.  I struggle with polarization myself.  I struggle to listen to others who have differing points of view.  I am having to constantly challenge myself, and I often fall short.  But, I’m now one of those elders (eek!)  Don’t I have an obligation to push myself to open my mind?  Shouldn’t I learn differing ways to look at things?  Shouldn’t I refrain from judgment?  Shouldn’t I be patient with myself and others?  And, if I’m listening attentively, can I expect–should I expect–the person who is speaking to me will turn around and extend the favor?

Hmmm.  Some food for thought and further conversation.

 

 

 


I found a meaningful quote on a Ten Thousand Villages blog post, written by a woman who has found a way to make her life work even within a challenging economic and sociopolitical system.

It was a great reminder for me.  I love sharing my journey on this blog.  I have always been motivated by trying to help others, as well as by sharing my frustrations, joys and learnings.  I have to always remember, however, that my way is not THE way.  It is not the one, the only and/or the RIGHT way.  It’s my journey.  Yours is your own.

If these posts help you to think, wonderful.  If they help you to learn, fabulous.  If they keep you in touch with who I am becoming, super.  If they inform your development, cool.  If they make you think I’ve lost my marbles, that’s okay too.  It’s all good.

Journey on, my dear SWOG friends!

 

 

 


Sometimes when I read a passage I find myself saying, “Huh?” Having no idea what the author just said, I scratch my head, read it again, and if I still don’t get it–I move on.  Maybe I’m just not meant to get it yet.  Maybe I haven’t reached that level of discernment, enlightenment or whatever other “ment” I’m meant to reach at that particular moment.

I’ve decided, however, it shouldn’t keep me from trying.

Cynthia Bourgeault is one of those authors who I can sometimes “get” and sometimes I scratch my head.  She’s been a guest writer in Rohr’s blog over the course of the last couple months.  She is so deep that I often lose her on the way down into the cave mountain she’s trying to take me.

So, when her post today made sense to me…it was a moment of excitement, encouragement, and wonderment.  In other words, the “ment’s” were working to form a great big “Ah.  Ah Ha” today.

What does it say to you–even if it is bemusement?

 

The Opposition Is Never the Problem
Sunday, March 19, 2017

This week Cynthia Bourgeault, one of CAC’s core faculty members, continues exploring how the Law of Three can be put into action to facilitate positive change in the world.

We’ve been exploring the Law of Three in a theoretical way, getting acquainted with its major precepts and a few of its peculiarities. But what do some concrete examples of Law of Three in action look like? Consider the following Law of Three triads:

seed/moist earth/sun = sprout
flour/water/fire = bread
plaintiff/defendant/judge = resolution
sails/keel/helmsperson = course made good

But these are only textbook examples, while the Law of Three is all about action. It is one thing to recognize a Law of Three configuration in a theoretical exploration; it is another thing altogether to recognize it in actual life and be able to work with it confidently and skillfully.

The single most liberating insight to come out of my work with the Law of Three was the realization that what appears to be the resisting or opposing force is never actually the problem to be overcome. Second force, or holy denying, is a legitimate and essential component in every new arising: no resistance, no new arising!

That realization in and of itself radically rearranges the playing field, shifting the focus away from trying to eliminate the opposition and toward working collaboratively for a more spacious solution. According to the Law of Three, once an impasse is reached, it can never be solved by going backward but only forward, into that new arising that honors all the players and brings them into a new relationship. (Einstein seems to have been on to this insight in his famous dictum that a problem can never be solved at the level at which it is created.) The three forces are like three strands in a braid; all three are required for the weaving.

One woman in a group I was working with was almost instantly able to turn around a very difficult standoff with an ultraconservative bishop when she realized that his resistance was not the problem to be solved but a given to be worked with. With an almost visceral “Aha!” she relaxed her sense of polarization and was stunned to learn the next day that he had miraculously softened his stance. While it was not clear to her who had actually been the broker of third force here, it was clear to her that the two relaxations were not unrelated.

One can only imagine how greatly the political and religious culture wars of our era could be eased by this simple courtesy of the Law of Three: (1) the enemy is never the problem but the opportunity; (2) the problem will never be solved through eliminating or silencing the opposition but by learning to hold the tension of the opposites and launch them in a new direction. Imagine what a different world it would be if these two simple precepts were internalized and enacted.

Ah.  Ah Ha.


OK, after working at Ten Thousand Villages for almost four weeks now, I have become an absolute Fair Trade convert.  And, of course, I have to put in a plug for Ten Thousand Villages whose founder–Edna Ruth Byler–is recognized as the Fair Trade movement’s originator.

You, too, can be part of the story. View online: http://www.tenthousandvillages.com

Of course, I can’t help but put Edna Ruth’s story in SWOG blog–after all, she sure sounds like a Strong Woman of Grace.  You can read how she got started here:  http://www.tenthousandvillages.com/about-history/

And check out their wonderful blog called “Mosaic,” which can be accessed on their site or at: http://www.tenthousandvillages.com/mosaic/categories/fair-trade/

It won’t take you long to see where swog lady is spending her paycheck!!!

Enjoy!


The pursuit of grace.  It’s difficult to put words to what this means.  It likely means different things to each of us.  Part of why the title of this post is “A” Path to Grace is that I sense each of us has to take our own journey to find it.  So much of what I’ve been posting about on “adult stage development” really boils down to finding a way to embody grace in deeper and deeper ways.

Everywhere I’ve turned in the last few years I’ve come into contact with the mindfulness movement.  Whether it’s reading Rohr or Bourgeault, whether it’s in my Georgetown program, whether it’s in BB&T’s Leadership program, whether it’s all the neuroscience research–meditation, consciousness, mindfulness, and being present have become mainstream.

I figured the universe was trying to get my attention by bringing this subject in my path repeatedly (there’s only so many times you can ignore something pulling on your sleeve).  So, I started, stopped, read some more, tried again, gave up, learned some more, and got a tip on a tool from a Georgetown colleague.  The “tool” was Oprah & Deepak Chopra’s 21-Day Meditation Experience.  I started in November and have been pretty consistent ever since.

After completing the first set of meditations, I went to their website to find other subjects.  Imagine my delight when there was one titled, “Manifesting Grace through Gratitude.”  I purchased that one and one called “Finding Your Flow.”  Onward I went into this brave new world of listening first to Oprah introduce the topic for the day and then to Deepak who took the information deeper.  Then as Oprah always says, “We’ll meditate!” and the session basically concludes with about 10-12 minutes of meditation.    That’s probably the right amount for an antsy gal like me but they do offer an extended session version where the meditation time lasts around 20 minutes.

I have to say all of these meditations have been enlightening and encouraging, but the one on grace has been inspirational.  I guess I shouldn’t be surprised–given my resonance with its title.  The following is an excerpt from one:

Living in a state of grace takes gratitude from a feeling to a way of being in the world.  You no longer question the value of trust, love, surrender and faith because you have tested them and made them your own.

Before the state of grace has ripened completely, however, a moment of grace or a feeling of gratitude can be fleeting.  To make it last and become a way of life requires that we establish new habits.  The conditioning from our past that’s based on negativity, struggle and judgment needs to be worked on.

This work, which happens inside, becomes a joy because you can feel that each step brings more happiness and fulfillment.  You feel free as you become who you really are beneath the layers of habit and old conditioning.  All this time grace stands beside you.  It never changes even as we do.

How do we get there?  The only answer I know to this question hit me square between the eyes when I was watching the movie Doctor Strange.  No, really!  I’m not kidding.  When the good doctor was trying to understand the new world he was drawn into he asked his spiritual guide/advisor the question, “How do I get from here to there?”  She returns his question with a question, “How did you become a doctor?”  To which Doctor Strange answers, “Study and practice.”

Study and practice.  It’s probably the only way–at least for me– to let go of old thoughts and habits and adopt new ones.

Sigh.  I was hoping for a magic vitamin.